Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
