I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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