Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
