pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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