woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
