haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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