This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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