Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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