I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There are leaves in my underwear?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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