you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
