Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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