guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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