he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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