who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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