Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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