i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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