This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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