I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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