dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
