Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
