i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
