Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
