Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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