bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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