there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
