Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
