It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
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and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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