i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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