i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
