So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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