Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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