Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
