Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.