apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
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I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage