He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
