So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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