Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".

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  (402): I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis". http://tfl.nu/dn08
  Replies (17) Good night (723) Bad night (6526)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.

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  (630): I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me. http://tfl.nu/s161
  Replies (71) Good night (4206) Bad night (1806)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.

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  (913): I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America. http://tfl.nu/aex4
  Replies (15) Good night (7521) Bad night (683)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...

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  (812): Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people... http://tfl.nu/4gx3
  Replies (16) Good night (2272) Bad night (5751)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"

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  (484): You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?" http://tfl.nu/prc0
  Replies (8) Good night (3592) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young

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  (815): its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young http://tfl.nu/hsw4
  Replies (7) Good night (2424) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.

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  (419): If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does. http://tfl.nu/2dp5
  Replies (4) Good night (3040) Bad night (1368)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Houston, we have a squirter

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  (704): Houston, we have a squirter http://tfl.nu/27k8
  Replies (25) Good night (6556) Bad night (1413)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.

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  (949): He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do. http://tfl.nu/7uqv
  Replies (10) Good night (2099) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.

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  (580): the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that. http://tfl.nu/mchf
  Replies (14) Good night (2261) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.

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  (314): How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death. http://tfl.nu/x5xg
  Replies (4) Good night (1013) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?

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  (785): Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird? http://tfl.nu/9vh0
  Replies (8) Good night (1329) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.

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  (+64): If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help. http://tfl.nu/n5gu
  Replies (1) Good night (586) Bad night (262)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.

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  (856): I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick. http://tfl.nu/i37m
  Replies (5) Good night (721) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.

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  (302): apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask. http://tfl.nu/f2ag
  Replies (3) Good night (826) Bad night (193)

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