Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

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  (860): As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. http://tfl.nu/lted
  Replies (104) Good night (8582) Bad night (1226)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  :O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"

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  (971): :O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out" http://tfl.nu/uf6x
  Replies (30) Good night (867) Bad night (11588)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm rooting for #1.

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  (270): possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th. (618): I'm rooting for #1. http://tfl.nu/ip6m
  Replies (37) Good night (4764) Bad night (1760)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.

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  (330): Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am. http://tfl.nu/jkmt
  Replies (2) Good night (2323) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.

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  (717): I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets. http://tfl.nu/exmx
  Replies (10) Good night (2597) Bad night (734)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.

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  (623): By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us. http://tfl.nu/p1x8
  Replies (12) Good night (1413) Bad night (618)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.

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  (407): Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas. http://tfl.nu/zp3l
  Replies (6) Good night (1786) Bad night (487)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.

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  (815): I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win. http://tfl.nu/e10p
  Replies (46) Good night (1787) Bad night (3036)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.

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  (508): the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper. http://tfl.nu/4yqm
  Replies (1) Good night (1138) Bad night (368)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops

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  (908): Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops http://tfl.nu/wq2e
  Replies (7) Good night (2450) Bad night (370)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.

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  (412): You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am. http://tfl.nu/b7a5
  Replies (3) Good night (804) Bad night (363)
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  (805): View more from California

  Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?

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  (805): Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered? http://tfl.nu/tgh3
  Replies (6) Good night (485) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?

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  (781): What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest? http://tfl.nu/6m0u
  Replies (4) Good night (315) Bad night (434)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I have the starring role in a literal shit show.

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  (254): I have the starring role in a literal shit show. http://tfl.nu/1tyi
  Replies (5) Good night (283) Bad night (367)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.

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  (816): He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off. http://tfl.nu/akk3
  Replies (1) Good night (640) Bad night (297)

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