ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
