Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
