So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
