She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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