that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
