You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So much rum. So many feels.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
