this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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