I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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