Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
