I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
