you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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