So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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