Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
