me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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