Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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