All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
