After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
