Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
