my sisters under your porch take her home
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
