what day is it and did you see me today?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
