you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
