i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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