There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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