Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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