if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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