Im at strip club and am horny
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
