That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
