I wish my penis had an off switch
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
