I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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