This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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