who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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