So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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