I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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