i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
