She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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