My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
