I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
