i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
