No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
