I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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